My old obsession..

Good afternoon, 

This week my boyfriend and I are going for a 50hr work week. I may have mentioned that we work together (it's not the kind of meet at the work place and fall in love; we met in college and fortunately accepted a job in the same company!) but, so we are tired already by Wednesday. Only 3 days until my first race.

Last night, Dustin and I made it to the trails for 3 miles. I've only had a bit of hip flexor  discomfort and slight pain since starting on the outside courses. I'm hoping to rest the leg for the next 3 days and hopefully on Saturday I will be able to reach the time that my friend, Hollie, and I are hoping and training for. It will be a trail/ road race and will hopefully be a great start to my race season! 

One thing that has been driving me nuts has been my resolution to not check my weight for the year. It drives me nuts because, for a long time, I was checking my weight multiple times a day. At one point I was able to lose 22 pounds by running and restricting.. I was all about trying to lose weight as quickly as I could. And I eventually gained back all of the weight that I had managed to lose. 

I wish that I could know what type of effect my running has made on my weight for the year so far.. My mind may still be in an un-healthy relationship with my weight and that is why I am doing the best that I can to not worry about what I weigh. I want to just run races and try to reach new PR's and reach new distances.

That is why I am so excited to start doing races again (my last race was about 2 years ago) I can't wait to see what type of speed I can put out. I'm hoping that I can get something close to what I got for my first race (29:28). Below are two photos from after running my first race!

I was really tiny; my friends have always been small but this was the smallest that I had been since  middle school. I almost can't believe how much smaller I was back just two years ago..

I know I'm being really bi-polar with this post but it's been on my mind lately. I really want to get back to where I was before because I know that my body is capable of being that small, but I also know that I need to take my time and just workout and eat healthy. I will get there.. just not quickly. I will reach my health goals.. but I will not base my self worth on a number. I have faith in myself and know that I can continue to grow and develop into a woman who is fast and strong and not someone who obsesses over a BMI or a pant size.