My old obsession..

Good afternoon, 

This week my boyfriend and I are going for a 50hr work week. I may have mentioned that we work together (it's not the kind of meet at the work place and fall in love; we met in college and fortunately accepted a job in the same company!) but, so we are tired already by Wednesday. Only 3 days until my first race.

Last night, Dustin and I made it to the trails for 3 miles. I've only had a bit of hip flexor  discomfort and slight pain since starting on the outside courses. I'm hoping to rest the leg for the next 3 days and hopefully on Saturday I will be able to reach the time that my friend, Hollie, and I are hoping and training for. It will be a trail/ road race and will hopefully be a great start to my race season! 

One thing that has been driving me nuts has been my resolution to not check my weight for the year. It drives me nuts because, for a long time, I was checking my weight multiple times a day. At one point I was able to lose 22 pounds by running and restricting.. I was all about trying to lose weight as quickly as I could. And I eventually gained back all of the weight that I had managed to lose. 

I wish that I could know what type of effect my running has made on my weight for the year so far.. My mind may still be in an un-healthy relationship with my weight and that is why I am doing the best that I can to not worry about what I weigh. I want to just run races and try to reach new PR's and reach new distances.

That is why I am so excited to start doing races again (my last race was about 2 years ago) I can't wait to see what type of speed I can put out. I'm hoping that I can get something close to what I got for my first race (29:28). Below are two photos from after running my first race!

I was really tiny; my friends have always been small but this was the smallest that I had been since  middle school. I almost can't believe how much smaller I was back just two years ago..

I know I'm being really bi-polar with this post but it's been on my mind lately. I really want to get back to where I was before because I know that my body is capable of being that small, but I also know that I need to take my time and just workout and eat healthy. I will get there.. just not quickly. I will reach my health goals.. but I will not base my self worth on a number. I have faith in myself and know that I can continue to grow and develop into a woman who is fast and strong and not someone who obsesses over a BMI or a pant size.

My Summer Race Schedule

I've been reading a lot about everyone's race plans for the coming season and thought that I could throw my plans into the mix as well!

My first race happens to be this weekend on Saturday. It is the Sonnenburg Spring Walk/Run. I'm hoping to get a sub-30 time for this run.

My second run is May 17th which is the Lilac Festival 5k. Again, my goal is to get a sub-30 time for this run.

My third run is and 8k on May 23rd (a 3-day weekend!) which is for the Corning Glass Fest! My goal for this one is to get a sub-50 minute time!

I have another 5k on June 21st: The Stache Dash! I ran it two years ago and one man shaved a mustache into his chest hair!

One more 5k on July 11th for my hometown library. My goal for this run is to have my time be under 29 minutes!

And the last one on my Radar for now is a 10k race on August 20th. This one is a Twilight run at Sonnenburg gardens and I'm excited to up my mileage a bit. I would like to finish this race in under and hour.

There is a 1/2 marathon on September 20th but I'm not sure if I will do that one or if I will wait until Spring time to do my first 1/2... Who knows!

Today's thoughts

Today I read a forum post about a girl who has been photo-shopping her online photos. It is sad to me that a person would feel the need to keep up this image of herself from a point in her life where she suffered with anorexia. She is supposed to be in recovery and is still trying to keep up the appearance that she hasn't gained much weight back from the recovery...

I really wish the best for her and for her to really embrace the recovery and all of the things that come with it. I'm not only talking about the weight gain that comes with eating correctly, I'm talking about the freedom that comes with being yourself. The freedom that saying 'hey, this is what I look like and I love myself.'

It takes a lot of courage and strength to love yourself despite what the media says, despite what your followers say, and despite what your own brain may think..

I admit that reading through her blog I felt as though I wasn't good enough. She's a beautiful woman in her real life and in the carefully constructed images that she allows on the internet, and I felt that I do not measure up.. I automatically jumped to 'oh, I have to really start eating better' and 'man, I really need to put more efforts into my workouts', but neither of those things make up who I am as a person. I am so much more than eating clean and working my fat off... I am:

• A woman who has over 11,000 in her bank account saved for a house.
• A woman who was offered a full time job before she even graduated college.
• A woman who has a man who loves her for way more than what she looks like.
• A woman who enjoys running and wants to run the Boston Marathon one day.
• A woman with family who accepts her strange behavior and loves her anyway.
• A woman who loves pokemon, video games, movies, hiking, swimming, running, reading, laying in the sun, going on road trips, eating ice cream, eating in general, and loves her job.
• A woman who plans to have her 65k in student loans paid off in 4 years instead of then 10 that the banks have her scheduled for.
• A woman who's car is quickly reaching 250k miles and shows no signs of slowing down.
• A woman who will get married and have kids and will teach them how to eat and how to love the run and who wants to keep her family active and healthy.
• A woman who is so sad for others who can't see the beauty in themselves past what they look like.

If I can do one this with this blog, I hope it is to inspire others to live their life how they want to and to not be ashamed or fearful about what others will think of their actions. Life is meant to be lived and not to be placed in the correct light to try and force others to believe that it is so much better than it actually is. If your life isn't what you're proud of, go and change it! Do something new that excites you and then let it help you grow.

Being an adult

Today we found out that the company that I work for is going to go through a merger with a different company. I have been working for this company for just under a year now and have grown very happy and comfortable with it. It is all good news, though..

• No employees will be lost in the merger.
• There will be more leadership roles that open up in the coming year.
• We get our bonus' early (when the merger closes) and will continue to see a bonus system with the merger.
• We wont have to re-locate for the merger.
• 401k and benefits stay relatively the same.
• The company will jump to over 800 employees.

The only downside that I can see is that our two current CEO's are retiring and the new CEO will be the man in charge of the company that we are merging with.

This gets me nervous because it has been Dustin and my plan to finish saving and to buy a house in the Fall. This merger puts a bit of a downer on this issue because we are uncertain of how we will be treated in the new company and if we will have the option of overtime. 

Speaking of being nervous and anxious all of the time; my student loans are always hanging over my head. Right now I am about 60k in debt because of my schooling; I'm slowly paying them off but I would really like to keep my overtime pay to get them gone even further.

Am I being too much of a downer? Here; have a photo of me instead.

Let's talk running then. This past weekend I was able to get out both days for a run with two of my favorite people:

        Dustin my handsome boyfriend. :]                                Hollie my beautiful friend. :]

Please ignore my awful post run face.. I don't wear a ton of makeup on the weekend (or much at all now a days) and I end up looking like a big red-faced lady!

For both runs I was able to get in my 3 miles and my yearly miles are up to 161 for the year! Dustin asked me what I wanted to do for when I made it to the half way point of my goal (250! It's approaching quickly!) and I have a couple of ideas that I'm not sure about yet:

1. Go away for a weekend.
2. Get a spa day.
3. Eat a tub of ice cream.
4. Buy myself something nice.
5. Dance around in a circle for about 10 minutes because I'll be half way to my goal of 500 miles!

What are some things that you like to reward yourself with when you reach a goal?

Has your job ever gone through a merger?

Are you still paying on student loans?

Still in a running pause

So I am still in a bit of a hiatus from my running (it's been 11 days!) due to my hip flexor and then falling down the stairs, but yesterday I was about to do some strength moves instead. I was able to get in a solid body weight routine for arms and legs and both are now sore today.

It feels wonderful to do something active but I cannot wait to get back to my favorite little buddies:

These are the running shoes that I have been using since the beginning of the year. My boyfriend bought them for me for Christmas and I chose this particular pair to be able to use them on the treadmill, trails, and on the road. So far, they have been great for me. They keep my arch supported and give me a bit of cushion while running.

Tomorrow I have a running date set with one of my best friends and we will run my old 3 mile route to get a feeling of what times we should expect to see next Saturday at our 5k race.

Speaking of races; I watched the Boston Marathon on Monday and I cannot stop thinking about it. Honestly, I've never thought about anything exercise related this much. I must have read about 20 different race recaps from different people who were talented enough to go and run the course and I must say, I want to do it too! I want to work my distance up and try to make get myself ready for a marathon. Not only one, but I want to work on it and get my time to qualifying standards and to try and make it into the Boston Marathon! 

I know it will take a few years to get myself into that great of shape but I have never really had a dream like this before. I've never been able to actually see myself working towards a goal like this and trying to reach it. But I just know that from the sounds of it; Boston is an experience of a lifetime!

Onto some non-running related things. I went shopping this past weekend and was about the snag a few key pieces for my summer wardrobe:

I was in desperate need of some flats to wear to work so I got these two from Charlotte Russe and LOVE them. Both allow my feet to breath a bit and are super cute and go with everything.

I was also looking for more work-appropriate dresses for the warmer weather and stumbled onto this one at New York and Company on sale for $34! I went with the Green color but couldn't find a picture of it from the front.

These are the new summer shorts that I found that actually fit me at a nice length.

Still on my wish list for the summer are a pair of strappy wedges and a new pair of Jeans. 

I suppose that's it for now; I'll see you next time and hopefully I'll have a run under my belt by then!

Welcome!

Welcome everyone to my little space on the internet.

I am mostly writing this so that I can keep track of my running as it progresses. I have had trouble, in the past, with becoming too obsessed with my weight and with exercise that it had become too unhealthy for me. I dropped 22lbs within a couple of months and thought that I was doing such a good job, but then I stopped running and I started eating crap again and gained back about 30 pounds.

That brings me up to this past Christmas time when I was 190lbs and feeling large and unhappy. I made the decision to try a new- New Years Resolution unlike any that I had ever tried before.

In the past I had tried the 'lose 30 lbs' or 'stop eating or drinking x, x, and x', but this year I decided to completely dis-regard the scale and my weight: I made the decision to not weigh myself this year and to go by how I was feeling instead. I decided to try something that would make me stronger and proud of myself for accomplishing: I decided to run 500 miles in 2015.

So far, I have been able to run 155 miles of those 500. I did run into a bit of a hip flexor injury this past week and have been resting it for about 8 days and then today I just happened to slip down the stairs and injure my back a bit.. not the best luck when you have a 5k race to run in just 10 days.

Speaking of that race, it is coming up on Saturday May 2nd and will be around the area that I first started running in. It will also be run with one of my best friends and we are both hoping to get a sub 30- minute race time. I believe that it is possible for us; my times have come in at about 31 1/2 minutes and with everyone there it should only improve!

I suppose I should let you all know who I am as a person.. so here it goes, I suppose.

• I'm 24.
• A girl/woman trying to make that strange transition.
• I work for a fiber-optics company doing design and drafting work.
• I have a wonderful boyfriend who has stuck with me for (coming up on) 3 years.
• My little car is coming up on 250 thousand miles.
• I work at least 45 hours a week in order to pay off student loans and save for a house.
• I have a 6 person family with 1 sister and 2 brothers; all of them have a person as well.
• Only my sister is married and it looks like no one but myself wants children.. so that's fun.
• I try to run at least 2 miles, 6 days a week.

Speaking of running again, I have 6 races this summer (ranging from 5k-10k) and I am very excited that 1 of them will even earn me a medal! :] 

Again, welcome to my blog and I hope you will be checking in again!

Aubrey